SCREAM QUEENS 1×07 Debriefing: “I Cannot Eat Deli Meats”

SCREAM QUEENS:  Cast Pictured L-R: Lucien Laviscount, Glen Powell, Nasim Pedrad, Nick Jonas, Billie Lourd, Ariana Grande, Abigail Breslin, Emma Roberts, Jamie Lee Curtis, Skyler Samuels, Diego Boneta, Keke Palmer, Oliver Hudson, Lea Michele and Niecy Nash in SCREAM QUEENS which debuts with a special, two-hour series premiere event on Tuesday, September 22 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Matthias Clamer/FOX.

I apologize for the extremely late post. I toyed with just jotting down a quick summary of the latest episodes. But I also wanted to do them justice since I really enjoyed them. So here is the full recap for episode 7. I think I loved this episode primarily because the last scene was perfection. I absolutely adore Jamie Lee Curtis in this role.  She is completely ridiculous, but not to the point of absurdity. And her work in the final scene was utterly brilliant. I will not ramble on too much here since this is an older episode. Let’s just get right to it.

I’m Way Too Nice

The episode opens with a black screen and a voiceover by Chanel. She thinks she’s figured out her problem: she’s way too nice. Agree to disagree, Chanel. She is hosting Number 2’s funeral, and is of course dressed to the nines. Number 2’s parents allegedly hated her, and jumped on a cruiseboat to celebrate her demise. So Chanel, being the “nice” person she is, took it upon herself to give Number 2  the open casket funeral she so desired. Additionally, Chanel will also “fulfill her dying wish of being cremated and shot into space.” Number 3, Number 5, and Chad all say their goodbyes, and then it’s time for Chanel to make a speech. “We’re gathered here today because a backstabbing bitch got exactly what was coming to her.” How do I book Chanel for my own eulogy? She continues on, complaining about Number 2’s refusal to strut across campus with the Chanels. This forced them to strut in a triad instead of a “beautiful diamond.” Tsk tsk. Tragic. Additionally, Number 2  used to push Chanel down the stairs AND she also got with Chad. “This is what happens when you rub uglies with my man. You end up dead!” Not at all suspicious words by Chanel.

SCREAM QUEENS: Emma Roberts in the "Beware Of Young Girls" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Emma Roberts in the “Beware Of Young Girls” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

 

From Beyond The Grave

The Chanels discover Chanel on the floor of her elaborate closet eating “Lite Morsels.” She is essentially having some sort of a meltdown over Number 2’s murder. Hester (I still refuse to call her Number 6) claims she is shocked that Number 2 would betray Chanel. But Chanel’s got her number. She knows that it was Hester who tried to sleep with Chad and who framed her for murder. She will never trust her again.

Number 5 has an idea. She thinks that Chanel needs a chance to speak to Number 2 and let her do right  by her. She has brought a Ouija Board with her. Number 3 announces that they are having a Chanel night, “where we heal all wounds among the Chanels, both living and dead.”

Later that evening, they appear to have made contact with Number 2- having first tested the board with a vulgar question about Chanel Number 5. The board (or Number 2?) then takes on a life of its own, telling the group “Chad is cheating.” Chanel refuses to believe it, as Chad “promised” he would be monogamous. But “it’s true.” Chanel yells at everyone to take notice. She is going to “prove that bitch wrong!”

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Billie Lourd, Emma Roberts, Lea Michele and Abigail Breslin in the "Beware Of Young Girls" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Billie Lourd, Emma Roberts, Lea Michele and Abigail Breslin in the “Beware Of Young Girls” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

 

We Are Murderers

We had not seen Gigi since her secret meeting with the Red Devil a few weeks back. She is in her kitchen preparing a meal (with a gigantic knife) when the phone rings. Can we talk about her acid wash jean skirt? I guess we just did. Whoever is on the line is someone Gigi claims she used to know “and love.” But apparently that is not the case anymore. “Because they’ve continuously let me down.” WHO IS THIS PERSON!? She is yelling at the mysterious caller “I told you to get rid of him.” She adds “we are not kidnappers, we are murderers.” Okay, well now we know for sure what her game is. But why? And who is working with her? And why is she stuck in 1993? Gigi continues to berate the poor soul on the phone about their revenge plan, which was apparently years in the making. She uses the words “you guys,” which answers the question as to whether there is definitely more than one killer involved. But she is interrupted when Wes comes in with flowers. Gigi says a final “now go kill some people.” I am extremely curious to find out exactly what her grand plan may entail. It seems bigger than just a “simple” revenge killing spree.

Who Wears A White T-Shirt?

Grace and Gigi are on a shopping trip to procure some more current looks for the ’90s-clad woman. Gigi is reluctant, after all, fashion is cyclical. All her clothes will eventually come back in style. At least that’s how she looks at it. Grace also uses this as an opportunity to find out whether or not her dad is still angry with her for refusing to leave campus. Sigh. How little I care. Gigi assures her that Wes is just worried. Also, Gigi really likes her dad. She likes his playlists, and the “borderline creepy” way he looks out for Grace. I cannot disagree with that assessment. Gigi changes the subject and brings up Grace and Pete’s investigative reporting. She drops the name Feather McCarthy. Feather was apparently a Kappa a few years prior. She ended up leaving the house, but there was a lot of drama surrounding her and Dean Munsch. Slick move, Gigi. Pointing the finger at Munsch.

He Was My Beatles 101 Professor

Grace and Pete invite Feather to the Kappa house to talk to them about what happened a few years back. She is somewhat awkward, but that is unsurprising with a name like Feather. Pete brings up Dean Munsch, and Feather immediately becomes accusatory. “She did it. Whatever it is, she was involved somehow.” Feather is of the opinion that the dean is “friggin nuts,” and also claims that Munsch has it out for her. As it turns out, Feather got involved with the dean’s husband, Dr. Munsch. He is definitely not a looker, by any means. But apparently the fact that he was the Beatles professor makes him irresistible.

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Guest stars Philip Casnoff and Tavi Gevinson in the "Beware Of Young Girls" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Guest stars Philip Casnoff and Tavi Gevinson in the “Beware Of Young Girls” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

After consummating their new relationship, the lovebirds broke the news to Dean Munsch. The dean apparently did not react well.  It is hard to say how much of this recollection is Feather’s embellishment and how much is reality. But the dean apparently started showing up everywhere Feather went, dressed exactly like her. It is actually quite humorous, though Feather does not share my opinion.  Feather was kicked out of school and has been finishing up her degree online. Oh yes, she is also living with Dr. Munsch. She tells Pete and Grace about a more recent event where someone pushed a transistor radio into the bathtub while she was in it. Feather fully believes that Dean Munsch is capable of murder. And she is going to go on record as a source for Pete and Grace. Later that night, however, Feather returns to the domicile she and Dr Munsch now share.  And she finds him decapitated, his head floating in the aquarium.

SCREAM QUEENS: Jamie Lee Curtis in the "Beware Of Young Girls" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Jamie Lee Curtis in the “Beware Of Young Girls” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

 

Goat’s Milk- It’s Lactose-Free

Chanel storms into the DDS house to confront Chad about Number 2’s revelations about his alleged cheating. But she walks in on him…with a goat? Chanel is incensed, but Chad claims he has been monogamous. Chanel attempts to break up with him, but Chad explains (in a silk robe, no less) that he is simply lactose intolerant. It is his “secret shame.” He was merely rubbing the goat’s belly when Chanel walked in on them, as that would allow her to produce milk for him and his hot body. Chanel is actually very understanding of this. And our “it” couple remains in tact.

One Hurricane Too Many

Dean Munsch is with her detective “friend” who is investigating the campus murders. She attempts to blame some injuries she recently sustained on too many “hurricanes” and a fall down the stairs. But the detective knows she doesn’t have any stairs in her apartment. He explains his theory that Munsch is behind her ex-husband’s murder since she had motive, means, and opportunity. He also believes that she may be behind the rest of the brutal campus killings. So he places her under arrest. She initially thinks it’s a game of role play, but he brings in backup. They place her in a straight jacket and haul her off to an institution.

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Jamie Lee Curtis and guest star Jim Klock in the "Beware Of Young Girls" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Jamie Lee Curtis and guest star Jim Klock in the “Beware Of Young Girls” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

 

Pete and Grace sift through all the compelling evidence they have ascertained against Dean Munsch. Pete wants to publish their story “Cops Finger Dean Munsch.” I won’t touch that one. He also believes now that the dean is locked up, they are no longer in danger. So, the two of them can finally kiss. And they do. But they are interrupted by a call from Dean Munsch who wants to meet with them at the mental hospital.

Crackerjack Investigative Reporters

The next day, Pete and Grace visit the dean at the hospital. She actually appears to be enjoying her time off, and is “designing” formal wear. By “designing,” I mean she is creating drawings that look like they were colored by a six-year-old.  The real reason Munsch has asked the two students there is to tell them that the investigation is not over. She thinks Feather is  behind her ex-husband’s murder. Actually she knows she is. And the dean  would not be surprised if Feather was behind the rest of the killings as well. She is “trouble.” But Pete and Grace are certain that the dean is the guilty one. And now Grace  is focused on what happened “that night with the baby.” Always with the baby, Grace.  Munsch tells them that if they bring her back some “dirt” on Feather, she will give them information on what happened to the illusive baby. The conversation ends with Dean Munsch yelling at a hospital worker for bringing her a bologna sandwich. She will apparently go into anaphylactic shock if she comes near the deli meat.

Later that evening, Pete and Grace are examining photos from the crime scene. Pete reads that whoever killed Dr. Munsch made a bologna sandwich right after the murder. So clearly it could not have been Dean Munsch, who just told them that she cannot eat bologna. Obviously this is a rock solid piece of evidence. Grace and Pete are off to go apprehend some of Feather’s DNA.

I Choked On Kix

Meanwhile, the Chanels are reaching out to Chanel Number 2 again, who tells the group that Chanel is actually the killer. Chanel is “done” with Number 2. But the other girls decide that the only solution is to kill Chanel. They brainstorm some rather elaborate ideas, when Chanel walks in looking for her Prunex. Prunex will allegedly knock Chanel out, so Hester decides that they are going to murder her that night while she sleeps.

Chanel is awakened by the “ghost” of Number 2 who informs her that the rest of the Chanels are planning to murder her. She also takes the opportunity to apologize to Chanel for the way she treated her. And for sleeping with Chad. Before she leaves she tells Chanel to rise up and be the leader that Kappa needs.

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Emma Roberts and Ariana Grande in the "Beware Of Young Girls" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Emma Roberts and Ariana Grande in the “Beware Of Young Girls” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Nov. 3 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

 

Mommy’s Home

Pete and Grace break into Dr. Munsch’s home to steal Feather’s toothbrush. Can I just pause to ask why Pete is still doing Matthew McConaughey impressions? They then bring the “evidence to the detective who informs the couple that the DNA on the toothbrush is a match. The person who used the toothbrush is the same person who bit into the bologna sandwich. And the DNA belongs to Feather

Dean Munsch walks into the house, having been released as soon as Feather was arrested. Grace is still skeptical that Feather was responsible for the campus murders. But the dean has done a bit of investigating on her own. She found out that Feather had a website called “I Love Bologna.” She’s a little “nutty.” Case closed. But Grace is not going to let it go so easily, and demands that Dean Munsch tell her about “the baby.” Honestly, I have not heard someone say “baby” this much since Claire’s baby was kidnapped  on “Lost.” The dean tells Grace to come to her office alone next week in order to find out more about said baby.

You’re Plotting to Murder Me

Chanel confronts the rest of the Chanels and tells them she knows about their plan. She insults their competency, as they are not even able to agree on a surefire way to murder her. They still obviously need her. So Chanel is willing to “let bygones be bygones.” She tells them about Number 2’s visit, and how it convinced her to forgive them. She even got them all presents- Nancy Drew-looking sleuthing hats and magnifying glasses. The Chanels are going to find the killer since Chanel “knows” it was not actually Feather. She is convinced there are two killers, and that they are Grace and Zayday. Where is Zayday anyway?

Here’s To Young Girls Getting What They Had Coming To Them.

The last scene is my favorite scene of the entire episode, and possibly of the entire season thus far. It is set to Dory Previn’s “Beware of Young Girls,” and showcases  a very passionate Dean Munsch whimsically dancing around her apartment with a glass of red wine. Simultaneously, a  voiceover features Munsch talking about feeling “good.” She is feeling so good because Feather is going to prison after not killing her husband. Feather did not kill Dr. Munsch. The dean did.

The timing was perfect with the serial killer on the loose. Apparently, Dean Munsch had the bologna idea years prior. Since the first time Feather walked into her office and started rambling on about the country of “Bol-Og-Nah.” She encouraged Feather to start a blog about Bologna. “Sorry Feather, but you messed with the wrong dean of students.” We then see Feather being locked away in a very horrifying looking clear chamber. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Indeed!

The episode closes with Grace and Zayday (oh there you are) walking into the house. The Chanels are essentially hidden at the top of the stairs, eyeing the two girls suspiciously. Beware of young girls.

“Body” Count Thus Far

  1. Ms. Bean
  2. Chanel No. 2
  3. Deaf Taylor Swift
  4. Shondell
  5. Boone (Not Dead, but assumed dead)
  6. Coney
  7. Mandy
  8. Dodger
  9. Caulfield (Missing Arms Dude)
  10. Sam
  11. Roger
  12. Dr. Charles Munsch

Final (Random) Thoughts and Questions:

No random thoughts this week, as this was written late and I have already seen the next episode. Don’t want to give anything away!

Marla has been passionately and disturbingly obsessed with television since she was in diapers. She lives and breathes all things TV, and attempts to watch anything and everything. Unfortunately there are just not enough hours in the day. She definitely has her top favorite shows, the identities of which will become painfully obvious if anyone stumbles upon her social media pages.

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