SCREAM QUEENS 1×05 Debriefing: “Salad Dates”

SCREAM QUEENS:  Cast Pictured L-R: Lucien Laviscount, Glen Powell, Nasim Pedrad, Nick Jonas, Billie Lourd, Ariana Grande, Abigail Breslin, Emma Roberts, Jamie Lee Curtis, Skyler Samuels, Diego Boneta, Keke Palmer, Oliver Hudson, Lea Michele and Niecy Nash in SCREAM QUEENS which debuts with a special, two-hour series premiere event on Tuesday, September 22 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Matthias Clamer/FOX.

The second installment of the Scream Queen three-part Halloween “special” was actually my favorite episode since the premiere. The story seemed to flow a bit more seamlessly, though I’m still not entirely sure where the plot will be heading going into the second half of season 1.  I’m willing to stick with the show and find out, especially after a most-intriguing ending this week! Could we possibly be closer to solving this mystery? I’m still on board. 

Two Fergies:

Chanel is bubbling with enthusiasm over her upcoming pumpkin patch fundraiser in support of  “Black Hairy Tongue.” Just an FYI, while watching this latest episode I decided to Google this alleged ailment. According to Mayo Clinic, it’s a real thing: Black hairy tongue is a temporary, harmless oral condition that gives your tongue a dark, furry appearance.” While it sounds nauseating, I enjoyed the fact that it’s a “temporary” and “harmless” condition. Thanks, Chanel Number 3 for the inspiration!

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5, Billie Lourd as Chanel #3, Lea Michele as Hester and Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Steve Dietl/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5, Billie Lourd as Chanel #3, Lea Michele as Hester and Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Steve Dietl/FOX.

For this very special event, Chanel has retained the services of esteemed party planner, Cliff Woo. Chanel and Cliff are pulling out all the stops. Chanel demands an exact replica of the maze from The Shining “WITH knee deep snow drifts.” A corn maze just simply will not suffice. After all, she’s “gross rich.” The music lineup is looking decent. Hester has secured Maroon 5, and after a bit of a mixup, Chanel Number 3 has managed to get two Fergies- the singer and the Duchess of York. The plans hit a snag when Number 5 (whose animal ears hat is another one of my new favorite fashion statements on this show) admits she was not able to book Led Zeppelin, as “apparently one of them died or something.” Chanel finds this to be completely unacceptable. If this fundraiser doesn’t go off without a hitch, then she will lose the Kappa House presidency and Chad will break up with her. I may have missed something, but were those two even still together? Chanel is “TIRED” of Number 5’s excuses.

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5, Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin, Billie Lourd as Chanel #3 and Lea Michele as Hester in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Steve Dietl/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5, Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin, Billie Lourd as Chanel #3 and Lea Michele as Hester in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Steve Dietl/FOX.

You’re A Mary Todd Lincoln, If Ever There Ever Was One

The Chanels are all to be dressed as “the wives of fallen presidents” for Halloween. Or is it still Chanel-O-Ween? Chanel, of course, is Jackie Kennedy. After nixing her “homely” assignment, Number 3 seems excited to take on Nancy Reagan (“Dibs”). But Number 5 is offended that she was chosen to be the “nutbag,” Mary Todd Lincoln. “You’re a weird psycho lunatic who’s going to end up in an asylum somewhere staring at a wall trying to nurse a watering can.” What a sweet sentiment. Number 5 finally blows up, screaming “I can’t take it anymore!” Chanel gives her an ultimatum: either dress up as Mary Todd Lincoln or leave. Hester very non- delicately adds “there’s the door, bitch!” Number 5 walks out, as Hester creepily whispers into Chanel’s ear that she doesn’t deserve to be spoken to in that manner.  “Ever.”

SCREAM QUEENS: Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Steve Dietl/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Steve Dietl/FOX.

We’ll Just Hang Out And Play Charades

That evening, Dean Munsch has gathered the Kappas and the Dickey Dollar Scholars together because it seems as though they are the students most likely to be killed “by the alleged psychopath.” She really knows how to calm a group of people. I have to take notes. Grace is still frantic about Zayday’s disappearance, and even more so about the fact that no one seems to care.

But any thoughts of Zayday will have to be put on the back-burner, as Dean Munsch announces she will be closing down the campus for Halloween. The response is a bit negative, to say the least. Hester even screams “I hate you right now!” like a petulant child. 

Chad quiets the room with a powerful “order in the court!” Now, I’m not exactly sure what he starts rambling on about for the next two-ish minutes. Something about courage, and Halloween, and slutty costumes. Oh by the way, we have confirmed that the DDS member with his arms chopped off is still alive and kicking! He looks pretty healthy, actually. Good for him! Chad finishes up his monologue a couple of minutes later, and the dean just stares at him. She then says “I have no idea how you got into this college.” Dean Munsch is me. Because I have been wondering just how exactly Chad Radwell got into THIS or ANY college for the last four episodes! But Chad’s speech was all in vain since the dean’s mind remains unchanged. Curfew’s on, Halloween cancelled. Her last words: “Sorry. Not sorry.”

Chanel, of course, is not going to take this laying down. She writes a campus-wide email informing the student body that she will not violate the Halloween curfew, but she will open her pumpkin patch at 12:01 AM on November 1st.  

Toenail Cookies

Number 5 continues to be having some sort of meltdown. Hester finds her in the kitchen later that night making toenail cookies for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters. She’s is disturbed by the fact that many neighborhood children are emulating Chanel by wearing “classic Chanel looks” that Number 5 helped conceive. Hester wonders why she’s hurting children when she could be hurting Chanel. Number 5 doesn’t trust Hester, since earlier that day she was essentially kissing Chanel’s feet. But Hester claims to be a “double-agent.” And she has an idea.

Actually It’s An Ant Family

Hester and Number 5 venture up to Jennifer’s room. Jennifer is deep in thought writing a complaint letter to Dean Munsch about the Halloween cancellation. Apparently it’s one of the biggest days of the year in the candle community. Something we learn about Jennifer in this moment is that she seems to be infatuated with ant families. The ant community she has constructed in her room is rather impressive, if you’re into that sort of thing. All the ants have names and backstories. Cool cool.

Hester reveals her plan to Jennifer and Number 5. It’s a bit on the elaborate side, so she’s clearly been cooking it up for a while. Long story short, she wants to enlist Jennifer and Number 5’s help in throwing votes in order to get Zayday elected as Kappa’s new president. And then she will become second in command, pulling the strings behind the scenes. Jennifer is skeptical at first. But Number 5 reveals that Chanel has a closet full of Diptyque candles that she burns once and then throws away. Jennifer is horrified. She has to see it with her own eyes. These are the highest quality candles that can be purchased retail. She fantasizes about melting them all down into one large candle. Ah, the exhilarating life of a candle vlogger. But this display of waste seems  to have possibly convinced her to join the girls in their scheme.

Chin Up, Chanel

Chanel is in class cheating on a test in a very interesting way. The professor calls her out on it, but she claims it’s all very routine. She calls her “daddy” to get the professor fired. But she doesn’t quite get to finish the call, as she is hauled out of class by the police. Chanel is being arrested for the murder of Ms. Bean! As the cop car drives away, she can see the Chanels in the background staring at her. Do I detect a slight look of smugness on Hester’s face?

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Lea Michele as Hester, Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5, Billie Lourd as Chanel #3 and Breezy Eslin as Jennifer in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Lea Michele as Hester, Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5, Billie Lourd as Chanel #3 and Breezy Eslin as Jennifer in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

We are then finally given a glimpse of Zayday, who appears to be at the bottom of a chute in the Red Devil’s lair. I’d like to take a moment to say that the music in this show is genius. The camera pan around the lair was set to Boy George’s “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me.” Perfection.

He’s My Best Friend

Back at the Kappa House, the girls are dining on a hearty meal of air. Now that Chanel is gone, Grace thinks it’s time to focus on finding Zayday. But Chanel Number 3 is apparently in charge now, and she claims to be indifferent about the cause. Furthermore, if Dean Munsch catches the girls off campus looking for Zayday during curfew, they could all get expelled.

Running out of options, Grace goes to visit her father in hopes of procuring some sage advice. Instead, she awkwardly walks in on his afternoon delight with Gigi. Gigi tries to explain that they were on a salad date. Can that be a thing now? It actually makes a lot of sense- more formal than coffee but more casual than dinner. Grace attempts to put all her uncomfortable feelings away and brings the conversation back to the issue at hand- Finding Zayday.

Chanel is the New Something

Chanel is embracing her new reality as a prisoner. She’s playing nicely with some of her fellow inmates. One of the inmates, Millie, is immediately on Chanel’s side. Chanel had apparently sent her “the most amazing” severed foot for Chanel-O-Ween the previous year. And she’s Chanel’s biggest Instagram fan. But, Millie will have to go back to worshipping Chanel from afar because she’s just been bailed out by Number 3 and Sam. Number 3 told her dad that textbooks were “getting crazy expensive,” so he wired her $300K, no questions asked. True friendship, right there.

Extensive Character Research

The next scene was without a doubt my favorite of the entire episode. Denise Hemphill is chatting with Dean Munsch in her office. They are engaging in a bit of girl talk, and the dean is relieved to have someone to talk to who won’t judge her. Apparently both women have slept with none other than Campus Stud, Chad Radwell. I hope that boy gets tested regularly. The ladies disagree on the enjoyment level of the “Chad Radwell Experience.” Dean Munsch was unimpressed, while Denise called it “amazing.” Apparently those two are into role play- “You got the right to remain sexy.” Can I just say how much I love this. These two women have been with the same man. But it’s not catty. They are just laughing and sharing high fives over the matter.

I’ve never disliked Grace more than I do in this moment because she interrupts this glorious bonding experience. Grace wants the dean to do something about Zayday’s disappearance. But Dean Munsch cannot do any more than she already has. Gigi claims that Zayday could already be dead at that moment. But Denise is still convinced that Zayday is the killer- “Bitch had a chainsaw in her room.” The dean has hired Denise’s security company to investigate the disappearance. “Denise Hemphill is gonna find Zayday Williams. And then I’m gonna throw her in the slammer for murder in the first.” Wes chooses to not-so-subtly reveal his new relationship before they go. And as Gigi walks out the door, Dean Munsch gives her what I can only describe as a death stare.

SCREAM QUEENS: Jamie Lee Curtis as Dean Cathy Munsch in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Jamie Lee Curtis as Dean Cathy Munsch in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

For whatever reason, Number 5 has decided to put on the Jackie Kennedy costume. Chanel barges in, completely incensed. “They’re can’t be two Jackie Kennedys!” She confronts Number 5 about her betrayal. “You sold me down the river, bitch.” Number 5 claims she wouldn’t rat Chanel out to anyone. But no dice. Hester told her “everything.” Someone has got to take Number 6 down. She’s clearly the biggest issue here. Chanel blackmails Number 5 (with some disturbing Dora the Explorer dirt) into going to prepare the pumpkin patch. She also hopes that perhaps Number 5 will get her head sawed off by the Red Devil when she’s out there. Sweet friend, really.

Oakland Nachos

Grace and her gang are preparing to find and rescue Zayday. Grace FINALLY realizes that she can use “Find My Device” to locate her friend. Seriously? Am I to believe it’s been almost a day and they are JUST now realizing that they have this capability? They obtain her location and are heading out to rescue Zayday.

Wes pulls Grace aside to try to clear the air from earlier. Grace is only mildly upset because Gigi is someone she knows, and also someone who may be mentally unstable. All this is said while Gigi is in earshot. Denise comes back inside to try to hustle everyone out of the house. But not before exhibiting her seemingly extensive knowledge of daytime television programs.

Pick A Side of the Eiffel Tower

Chanel Number 5, Roger, and Dodger are at the maze lighting jack-o-lanterns. Of course the Red Devil turns up because really, there’s no one else out after curfew. Roger and Dodger come to Number 5’s aid, and they run through The Shining-inspired snow maze.

SCREAM QUEENS: Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5 in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5 in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

 

The twins all of a sudden decide that Number 5 must pick only one of them, “forever.” They apparently fell in love with her during some less-than-seemly activities. And now she has to choose. In a moment of panic, she picks Roger. I’m not sure if she realized she was essentially signing Dodger’s death certificate with her choice. The Red Devil follows his footprints, and he becomes the next name on the body count list. Oh Dodger, we barely knew ye. RIP Eiffel Tower.

Aw Crap, I Forgot the Flashlights

As it turns out, the Red Devil rents a cellar from a little old lady. There’s always a little old lady involved in these cases, isn’t there? Grace and her crew split up to look for Zayday- don’t they know you NEVER split up in these situations?  Grace’s group stumbles upon the Red Devil’s costume/gear room, while Denise and Gigi have found RD’s torture chamber. Suddenly the lights go out. Luckily the Red Devil has some pretty effective night vision goggles. But not so luckily, Gigi manages to incapacitate RD with a taser.

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Nasim Pedrad as Gigi and Niecy Nash as Denise Hemphill in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Nasim Pedrad as Gigi and Niecy Nash as Denise Hemphill in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

Denise gathers the rest of the group together, and brings them into the torture chamber. But the Red Devil has managed to escape. He allegedly hit Gigi in the head with a baseball bat and ran off. Okay, let’s be realistic here: If someone hits someone else in the head with a bat, they wouldn’t be able to get up off the ground mere seconds later. They would probably be knocked out for quite a while. Grace is impressed with Gigi’s act of bravery, and gives Gigi and Wes her blessing.

Denise has quickly scanned the premises, and the Red Devil is “nowhere to be found.” Neither is Zayday, which Denise of course does not believe to be a coincidence.

Just Wondering Where You Find A House With A Pit

Back at the house, the girls are casting their votes for the next president of Kappa House. Chanel has apparently called the election without Grace or Zayday because she’s depressed about her failed fundraiser, and really just because she can. She needs some cheering up.

Right before the voting commences, Zayday triumphantly struts in. No one really seems too enthused to see her, but I guess that is because BFF-Grace isn’t there. Hester does request to hear Zayday’s story before they vote.

The Red Devil kidnapped Zayday and took her to his “evil” lair. Hester wants to know if she killed the Red Devil. And she wants to know because if Zayday did kill RD, she wants explicit details on what he/she looked like when they died. Girl needs some counseling. As it turns out, The Red Devil didn’t do anything at all to Zayday aside from sending her treats in a basket. Then “all of a sudden” he brought her up and presented her with a very nice dinner spread, complete with flowers and her favorite food- Oakland nachos. So, the Red Devil seems to have a bit of a “thing” for Zayday. She lures him into a false sense of security and then stabs his hand with a fork. And that’s the not-so-harrowing tale of Zayday’s capture.

Another Salad Date

As the episode closes, we see Gigi walking cautiously around campus. She is being followed by the Red Devil. BUT it seems that she is the one that spooks him/her- “You’re late.” HASHTAG CAHOOTS!  Gigi knows the Red Devil! She tells RD: “That got way out of hand. He’s got to go.” So RD is apparently taking orders from Gigi? Interesting. She leaves him to go on yet another salad date with Wes. But to whom were they referring? What exactly got so out of hand? And what was the original plan? All questions I hope they address in the last Halloween-themed episode next week!

SCREAM QUEENS: Nasim Pedrad as Gigi in the "Pumpkin Patch" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Nasim Pedrad as Gigi in the “Pumpkin Patch” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Patti Perret/FOX.

“Body” Count Thus Far

  1. Ms. Bean
  2. Chanel No. 2
  3. Deaf Taylor Swift
  4. Shondell
  5. Boone (Not Dead, but assumed dead)
  6. Coney
  7. Mandy
  8. Dodger

Final (Random) Thoughts and Questions:

  • This was the first episode that did not mention our fallen hero, Shondell. And I really missed her. But it will make her next callout that much more meaningful!
  • Can we have more scenes with Niecy Nash and Jamie Lee Curtis? It was so priceless and much too short.
  • I feel as though next week’s episode is going to yield a very high body count- just an inkling.
  • Aren’t there multiple Red Devil killers? Shouldn’t all members of the RD gang have come to meet Gigi in the dead of night? Unless Gigi was the one sporting that second costume the night of the Dickey Dollar Scholars street mayhem…
  • Gigi is likely a bit less mentally unstable than Grace (and myself) may have originally thought. And how does last week’s reveal (that she’s the hag)  factor into all this?
  • Why was the Red Devil trying to romance Zayday? Was that part of the plan?
  • What is the endgame of this season? Where is it going? This is something I still really don’t know.
  • Where can I purchase the Number 3 and Number 5 accessories worn on the show? I’m completely obsessed.
Marla has been passionately and disturbingly obsessed with television since she was in diapers. She lives and breathes all things TV, and attempts to watch anything and everything. Unfortunately there are just not enough hours in the day. She definitely has her top favorite shows, the identities of which will become painfully obvious if anyone stumbles upon her social media pages.

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